How to Deal With Your Jealous Adult Step Daughter

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Having a jealous adult step-daughter can be challenging and requires an ability to stand in her shoes to try and see things from her perspective as well as your own. When it’s hard for her to stop being daddy’s girl and you’re the new girlfriend, it pays to settle some fair ground rules from the start.

Steps

1. Recognize her insecurity. It is possible that your step-daughter is fearful that she might lose the special relationship with her father. It is also possible that she is afraid that you don’t love her father properly, and that you might just be “using him” for his money, security, looks, etc. Show your husband’s/boyfriend’s daughter, that you really love him.
2. Try to set aside your own jealousy about the step-daughter. For example, if you display any unhappiness when your step-daughter holds your father’s hand, hugs him, kisses him, etc., she will notice this and feel distress. Question your sense of jealousy and try to put it in perspective.
3. Respect the closeness of your step-daughter with her father. Not all daughters bond well with their fathers and it is to be encouraged when it happens. Don’t try to come between that; instead, support it and be happy for them. Ultimately, your boyfriend will appreciate this support and trust you more. Do not come between father and daughter. While it is difficult, think how would you feel if somebody came between you and your parents. Remember that the relationship between parents and children always comes first, and if you want to be a part of this family, you have to accept it; you might be able to change a partner, but you can’t change the relationship between a parent or a child.
4. Request respect and space for yourself. Being so understanding and giving does not mean that you must let your man’s children walk all over you. It is just acknowledging that fathers and daughters have their own relationship and that this does not need to be changed by anybody. Give them the space that they need, and in turn, make sure to keep the space that you need for yourself, your pursuits, and your own family.

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