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That is a sentiment held by many second wives. It is not easy, especially when children are involved.
Sometime you can feel invisible, abused, disrespected.
If you are feeling that way you need to find some support, either face to face or through an online support group.
Please visit the Stepfamily Zone Forums –
http://www.stepfamilyzone.com.au/forums
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Just type your keywork or phrase in the box below and hit search.
Put the blame on Mame.
That sums up how many of the women with stepchildren I interviewed for my book, Stepmonster, felt about the stepmother role. They told me:
• “The kids are hostile and rejecting no matter what I do. I know it’s not their fault. But it’s as if I’m not supposed to have any feelings about it, let alone discuss them.”
• “I can’t do anything right–if I buy them a present, they think I’m buying their love and if I don’t, I’m cold and unloving.”
• “My husband doesn’t have many rules–so I look super strict and mean if I ask them not to eat with their hands!”
• “Their mother says unkind things about me and calls every half hour while they’re here. So it’s hard to build a relationship with them.”
These women were no whiners–most had been trying to get stepmothering right for years, and all began their stepmothering journeys committed to forging a great relationship with his kids, whatever it took.
Read more…The Real Reason Children (and Adults) Hate their Stepmothers | Psychology Today
Since my blowout with BM nearly 3 weeks ago we haven’t seen the skids. We’ve had one phone call from SD14 about her wagging school but thats it. BM normally call minimum once a day. We haven’t heard boo! Now I have to admit I love it. We are almost like a newly married couple with NO KIDS. Yes I miss the kids but I can’t help but notice much LESS stressed DH is and how much FUN he’s been in the last week.
I think he misses the kids too but is loving the lack of bull crud from BM. I don’t want them to come back cause I know it means dealing with BM BUT then I feel guilty cause I don’t want them there. I am a little shocked that she is actually keeping her word and I’m not really sure what to do about it. DH seems fairly comfortable letting her dig her own grave but I feel like I should be pushing him to contact her or at least the skids (mostly because of other peoples perception). He keeps telling me its probably the best for them even though its not the best for him. I’m trying to take the back seat and let him make the decsions about this. Its HARD though.
I don’t want to be the reason he doesn’t see his kids. I’m pretty sure she was just looking for a way to make this happen and my actions were just the excuse she is using to do that. I don’t want the skids to contact DH later and hate me cause I’m the reason they didn’t see DH. Most of all I feel guilty cause deep down if I’m really really honest I don’t want them to come back until they’re adults and can see us without any input from BM. Plus it might give us some time to just be us instead of being a SF.
God I’m a horrible person. Does this make sense? Do any of you feel like this??
